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Thinking of Having A Threesome? Sex Experts Weigh In On What You Should Know – The Love And Sex News- Pro Teachs



Princess Love and singer Ray J’s relationship has been an open book since their debut on Love and Hip Hop: Miami in 2018. The couple’s relationship has been on the rocks for some time now, with both of them filing for divorce at least three times over the past few years.


In a recent episode, the on-again-off-again couple had a heated argument when the topic shifted to their bedroom activities.

Princess seemingly accused Ray J of cheating, to which his response was, “Anything I’ve ever done, you’ve done it with me.”

During her confessional, Princess Love explains why she had the threesomes and how she feels about it.

“There have been times I love Ray so much I tried to do the whole threesome thing.” She continued, “Because you don’t have to go outside the relationship, I can be fun too. But, nothing is ever enough for Ray.”

Princess explained that she can’t keep “sacrificing” herself and her sanity to keep Ray J happy by being something she’s not.

I found it interesting that so many women in the comments could relate and shared that they’ve partaken in sexual activities just to please their man. The comments also seemed to have underlying feelings of regret or self-betrayal, which is problematic for several reasons.


First, sex should be enjoyable for all parties involved. Explicitly performing sexual acts to please your man while neglecting your needs can harm you. That said, it wouldn’t be surprising if men enjoy these threesomes more than women.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior confirms threesomes are more enjoyable for men than women. “To make it more enjoyable for both parties, couples should discuss their separate and relationship needs,” says Jenifer Smith, a sex therapist based in Alexandria, Virginia.

“It’s not just about one person and their sexual needs in the relationship. It should be about the two of you because it is a sexual experience for the two of you. If you choose to include somebody else, you also wanna talk about what their sexual needs are because it’s an experience that everyone’s involved in,” she tells ESSENCE.

She continues that women wanting to please their men by having threesomes should also have conversations about why they’re doing it and how it will benefit the relationship.

Another theme I noticed in Princess’ confessional is that of self-betrayal, which I’ve felt many times after performing certain sexual acts that I had reservations about. It’s all good and well to explore sexually, but it’s essential that you’re true to yourself in the process. This means not betraying yourself by putting your values aside to please your significant other.

“I think any time something doesn’t align with your values, you shouldn’t do it,” says Smith. “That is the reason for having values and morals–like your compass on what you do in life.” She says if you have a gut feeling that you’d betray yourself by engaging in a threesome, you should take more time to think about it before doing it.


If you decide to do the threesome, discussing what will make it an enjoyable experience for both of you is important. That means mapping out the details and discussing boundaries within the threesome.

“I find often in my work that folks think that saying you want a threesome is a clear request, but it doesn’t say anything about the sex itself, just how many people are involved,” says Shadeen Francis, a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.


“That is like inviting someone to take a trip with you but having no plan for where you’re going or what you’re going to do. Couples must talk about what they would like the threesome to be like and what they would like to avoid,” she says. She recommends couples use a yes/no/maybe list to decide what they want to do within the threesome and set healthy boundaries.


After the threesome is done and dusted, what’s next? Aftercare is a good next step, says Francis. Find out what kind of aftercare your partner wants, whether cuddling, talking about what happened, or reaffirming your love for them. Likewise, communicate your aftercare needs to your partner because, as we’ve established, your needs matter too.

Francis also suggests you find time to give each other feedback after the fact. You can ask questions, talk about any friction you experienced, and show one another appreciation. You may also want to decide whether this will be ongoing and how you will interact with the third party (if at all) moving forward.

For anyone still on the fence about having a threesome, think about whether it’s your values causing apprehension or sexual shame. Speaking with a professional could help clarify.


“As many people are working through sexual shame, I think this is a good time to discuss that with your therapist because you need to decipher the difference. You still might want to explore something, but the two are enmeshed, and you have to be able to separate it,” Smith says. “I think until you’re at a place where you can separate the two, you shouldn’t explore anything you might regret doing later.”

Sexual shame kept me from sexually exploring for many years, but therapy helped me unlearn that shame. I spent several sessions uncovering my core beliefs and where they came from. The final step was choosing values based on who I am now vs. what I was taught about sex, cultural stereotypes, and religion. Now, I have fewer sexual experiences that I ‘regret’ or feel ashamed about.


Whether you and your partner decide to do a threesome, educating yourselves is never a bad idea. Smith suggests going to workshops held by sex therapists or coaches, reading books, and watching documentaries before committing.



A version of this article originally appeared here on essence.com


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